You can’t win people with criticism; you win them with care.

How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (Part 2 of 5 mini series)

✍️ By Debbie Balfour | WBN News |Aug 4, 2025 | Click HERE for your FREE Subscription to WBN News and/or to be a Contributor.

In Chapters 1–3 of How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie lays down the bedrock of human connection: if you want influence, stop criticizing. Carnegie argues that judgment never inspires change; it provokes defensiveness. And in business, that defensiveness can cost you relationships, referrals, and opportunities.

These early chapters introduce three powerful principles:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Carnegie shows that people are driven by the need to feel important. As entrepreneurs, leaders, or service providers, it’s easy to get wrapped up in what we want from someone. But Carnegie flips the lens: focus instead on what they want—and how your collaboration can fulfill that.

This people-first mindset is rare in a world obsessed with transactions. But it’s also why it works.

🎥 Watch: How to Win Friends & Influence People Principle #1 This short video offers a real-world walkthrough of Carnegie’s first principle and why it remains the ultimate tool for influence.

Step-by-Step Implementation:

1. Identify a professional relationship to apply this to—choose someone where friction exists.
2. Commit to avoiding criticism for the next 7 days.
3. Each day, offer one piece of sincere appreciation to someone in your circle.
4. Before any request or pitch, ask yourself: What’s in it for them?
5. Write down how each shift affects your interactions.

Thought-Provoking Question:

Where in your leadership or communication do you default to judgment instead of curiosity?

Task:

Choose one person to practice these three principles with this week: no criticism, daily appreciation, and consider their point of view before every interaction.

Conclusion:

You don’t need to outtalk or outsmart to win people, you just need to care more than most do. Carnegie’s message in these opening chapters is simple, but transformational: drop the critique, lead with appreciation, and tune into what matters to others. Next week, we’ll explore the principles that make people like you want to be in your orbit.

Let’s bring this to life:
Think of a time someone gave you sincere appreciation instead of criticism. How did it impact you, and how did it change your response?

👇 Share your experience in the comments below and let’s learn from each other’s stories.

Buy How To Win Friends and Influence People on Amazon here.

Debbie Balfour | Real Estate Investing Success Coach + Podcast Host
📍 Website: www.DebbieBalfour.com
📧 Email: Debbie@DebbieBalfour.com
🔗 LinkedIn: Debbie Balfour
▶️ YouTube Channel: youtube.com/@DebbieBalfour

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