When Being Right Makes Us Wrong

By Les Mottosky

It’s a strange reality, but a reliable one: in relationships, we’re forgiven for being wrong, but being right can create resentment.

Being wrong is more than just human, it's humanizing. It softens us. By admitting fault, we create space for connection. That signals humility, vulnerability and qualities that invite empathy and respect. People like when we’re wrong, especially when we own it. This flexibility creates approachability.

In highly emotional situations being right can create complications.

It can feel like an attack. Especially if it arrives with hubris. It threatens a tenuous self-image or a rigid worldview. Even if the accuracy of a perspective is factual or well-intentioned, it can feel like judgment to another. It might make them feel unseen and trigger their 'I'm not enough-ness'. (We all have it to an extent.)

And that's when walls go up.

This is especially true in close relationships, where emotional stakes are high. A partner, friend or colleague may not remember the details of a disagreement, but they’ll remember they felt diminished.

The good –and bad– news is we're experiencing something the other's emotional state obscures from them, so we can take action.

But what action?

It's a simple fix (simple is rarely easy): we don't consider being right as the win.

The reason this simple shift isn't easy is because it goes against three things we ingrain starting from a very young age. Playing games, we're conditioned to believe that the "right" outcome (and sometimes the only acceptable one) is winning. Then our education system conditions us to believe that the "right" answer is the reward. Same thing with work and business: we're compensated for being right.

Few lessons in life teach us that playing or relating are the prizes and failing is the necessary aspect of learning.

Shedding this deep-rooted conditioning requires a super-human effort. Fortunately we all possess the energy required to generate that effort. We just need an effective catalyst to trigger it.

The catalyst is love. If that's a challenging or unrelatable concept in a work context, think in terms of appreciation.

Love or appreciation prioritize connection over facts and open up our curiosity. Curiosity allows us to stop insisting “I’m right. You’re not.” and asking “What matters here?”. This mind state shift skips the ego and creates access to the heart. In both parties.

Even if this feels off, and it likely will, being right isn't the goal.

Connection is.

And that's always something worth being wrong—and right—about.

TAGS: #Irreverent Strategies #Leadership Wisdom #Human Humility #Courage Is Our Nature #Adaptation As Innovation

Les Mottosky

Adaptation Strategist // I help organizations turn creativity into their competitive advantage by aligning leadership, culture and strategy to unlock adaptive innovations.

Ask about the Clarity Engine Process.

lesmottosky@mac.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/les-mottosky-9b94527/